^{A SMART contributor has submitted this transcript of an interview that he alleges mysteriously appeared on his computer screen the morning after he had a dream about interviewing God. SMART cannot verify its authenticity but it seems very plausible so we have printed it.}

^{First of all I’d like to thank you God for giving me this time to speak with y…}

^{Get on with it}

^{Oh, right. Yes, I’m very curious… Is it true, did you really create the heavens and Earth in 7 days?}

^{(Sigh) No I didn’t. I… sort-of caused a big bang and then let things develop all by themselves. Took billions of your Earth years.}

^{“Sort-of” caused the big bang?}

^{Yes, it’s not worth trying to explain the details to you, not yet anyway. You may think you’re pretty advanced, scientifically, but in a few years from now you’ll look back on the first few years of the 21st century and realise how ignorant and primitive you were then. There are all sorts of scientific discoveries that you have yet to make.}

^{So you are able to predict the future? Is everything pre-ordained?}

^{Nothing is pre-ordained, not even for me, but based on my experience with how life has evolved on other planets I can make a pretty good guess at what will happen on Earth.}

^{Life on other planets? You mean we’re not alone?}

^{Ha! You must be joking! The universe is full of life, much of it more advanced than you!}

^{Have any of these advanced life forms visited Earth?}

^{No. Intergalactic cross breeding may be popular among science fiction writers, but I don’t allow it. I have imposed a speed limit in space - the speed of light. That keeps you all fairly close to your own planets.}

^{This is fascinating. Getting back to the Earth, do you have a purpose for human beings? And is there one “right” religion doing your will?}

^{Your next leap forward in evolutionary development will come when you realize how minuscule and insignificant you are in my universe. I have far, far more important things to do than concern myself with your Earthly affairs. In terms you would understand, imagine a huge garden containing billions of plants and flowers. I am the gardener and you, planet Earth, are just one petal on one tiny flower.}

^{Woah, so you’re saying there was no Adam and Eve, no prophet Mohammed, no Jesus Christ?!}

^{Jesus who?}

^{(Gulp) ..er Can you hear people’s prayers?}

^No

^{What about heaven and hell?}

^{Figments of a fertile human imagination.}

^{Angels and demons?}

^Ditto

^{The human soul?}

^{Double ditto}

^{So what happens to us when we die?}

^{You return to the dust from whence you came, and in the process you provide the nutrients that grow the plants that provide the food for the next generation. If it’s any comfort to you, that cycle of life applies to all life forms everywhere in the universe.}

^{But what about you, will you ever die?}

^{Ah, well, I am the one exception to that rule. My existence is perpetual and in a form that you wouldn’t understand.}

^{Do you want people to worship you?}

^{You humans have such a short life-span. If you really want to spend it worshipping, go ahead, it makes no difference to me. If I was a human though, I’d put a lot more thought and effort into doing my part to perpetuate my species. I should think that would be a lot more fun too!}

^{Have you ever intervened in human affairs?}

^{Well there was that Soccer World Cup final where Maradonna missed a penalty kick….}

^{No, really?}

^{No, I’m just kidding. I look in every now and then to see how you’re doing, but that’s all.}

^{What can we humans look forward to in the near future?}

^{Hmm, well, without disturbing the course of history, I can tell you that you are very close to making some significant scientific discoveries that will improve the quality of your lives. You’re also going to live a lot longer than you...}

^{(At this point transmission was broken off and not restored)}

^{name withheld by request}

^{Back to members forum}